*Happiness is not so much about getting what you like but Happiness is about liking what you get.*
*level 1*: lowest person only sees bad in others.(e.g.. duryodhana)
*level 2*: person who sees both good and bad but conveniently neglect the good and simply focus on bad
*level 3*: person who sees good and bad but they see good and bad equally.
*level 4*: person who sees good and bad but they choose to neglect the bad and they will only focus on good.
*level 5*: person who only focus on good.(e.g.. Lord, saintly person, etc..)
*Most of us we are in level 2, who just see both good and bad but we conveniently neglect good and only focus on bad.*
we have to move to level four to neglect the bad and focus on good.
*Only when we focus on good in others then we can able to start liking them*
*Likings:*
In order to have the congenial meaningful relationship we have to like
people. *in order to like people we have to come on level 4: neglect the
bad, focus on the good.*
*Trustings:*
In our relationships we have to Learn how to trust others. people do
wrong but they don't necessarily mean wrong things. Their intention may
not do wrong or their intention may not to say wrong. But somehow they
may act in certain ways.
*Trusting means trust their intention.*
one time a teacher said to student, if I give 2+2 mangoes how many do you have? student said 5mangoes.
teacher said I give 2+2 mangoes how many do you have?
student said 5mangoes.
teacher said I give 2+2 strawberries how many do you have?
student said 4 strawberries
and now teacher said I give 2+2 mangoes how many do you have?
student said 5mangoes.
now you said 2+2 strawberries is 4 and you are saying 2+2 mangoes is 5. How?
student said I already have 1 extra mango in my bag.
was the teacher wrong? no
was the student wrong? no
both are right.
similarly, in relationships also both are right, not wrong But the issue is the person the way looking over it.
According
to teacher, externally she is right and student was looking something
deeper that 2+2=4 & inside 1=5. therefore 5 mangoes.
many times we have to look for hidden mango in our relationship. so we have to trust.
*if
you want to deal with anyone in relationship, please do not look with
external behaviour but go deeper to find what's that hidden mango.*
people say and they do, not they are bad. but because situations, sometimes makes them rude. understand their intention.
*in relationship, don't live on surface but be a DIVER to understand*
*Correcting:* it's very hard to correct someone. If you give Frank feedback people feel hurt.
*Its not frankness that hurts, it's the bluntness that hurts.*
correcting
in relationships is necessary but in order to correct you have to
deposit 2 things 1. you have to make emotional deposit.
can you withdrawal a money without deposits? no.
Then how can you withdrawal by correcting someone without deposit of your emotions in their hearts?
the
emotional account is the deposits of love, kindness, service, gifts.
and all you deposits to your account, once in a while you should do
withdrawal.
Every
relationship you have, you need to ask one question, am I deposit
sufficient deposits when I need to correct someone we should ask 4
questions to ourselves.
*1. Am I the right person to correct other individual?*
And
who is the right person? Sometimes I say every women has only one best
child in the world and that is her child and every man thinks that there
is only one best women in the world and that is his wife. Can any man
give a corrective feedback to another person's wife? Can any parent
give a corrective feedback to someone else's child? Therefore when we
say are you the right person? We should ask ourselves the question Am I
relative? Am I a friend? Am I an authority in any way to give a
corrective feedback? If answer is yes move towards 2nd question
*2. Do you have a right motive to correct?*
Very
often the motive in correcting others is settling our old accounts
instead of actually serve person by helping the person what wrong he or
she is doing. In giving corrective feedback we should have a very high
sense of conscious, we should introspect and come to the conclusion when
I say something to the person it's actually serve the person and help
the person and not to settle any old accounts.
*3. Do you actually know a right way to give corrective feedback?*
*people are not close to correction but they are close to blunt correction.*
A
lot of times people are okay with taking corrections but the way the
correction is expressed is so crose, so blunt and so abusive can
actually create a lot of harm to the person and the person switches off
for taking such feedbacks. Thus many times I say when we try to correct
an issue, issue is only about 10% and 90% is about wrong tone of voice.
If we just have a right tone of voice and if we say by right way then
lot of people are okay to handle it. Our feedback, our correction, and
our advices will sinks deeper.
*4. Is it the right time to give a feedback?*
We
should ask ourselves this question is it the right time to give a
corrective feedback? Many times I says we should not express our anger,
we should explain our anger or a feelings. When you express what we feel
then it's unpleasant and when we explain what we feels people can
understand. When heads are hot and we upset when we deal with a
straightway feedback because it's a wrong timing because we expressed.
And when we allow our heads to cool down you won't express but you will
explain to say. Therefore remember 4 things in your life. If you want to
ever ever ever give a corrective feedback, ask this 4 questions to
ourselves.
*Forgiving:*
*Connecting:*
those who have strong connection with deep spiritual practice then only
you can able to follow this points in your life.
Last Sutra is: *there is only one person who will never disappoint and that is Krsna.*
*when
we connect with Krsna and when we find the source of joy and pleasure
from Krsna then we can love everyone unconditionally. because we dont
depend on them what i need from them*
*we
depend on Krsna for our pleasure and we serve and we love and we give.
Therefore connecting is very important thing in our relationship.*
Thank you very much
Hare Krsna
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